my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
