I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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