I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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