At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
