So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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