i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
