So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
