my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
