Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
