Kiss
Puke
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
