y did u give ur computer a hand job?
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
