I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
