im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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