We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
