he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I deserve this hangover.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
