he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
