Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
