when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
