im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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