K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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