I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I believe in your delicious
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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