I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
