this just has baby written all over it
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Come see our sink grown plant.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize