if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
