I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
