Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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