it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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