Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
pray to the hookup gods
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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