I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
