I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
