Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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