Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
