it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Randomize