Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
