just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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