I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
