FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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