The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
