my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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