Just cropdusted the office
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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