i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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