Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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