so let's talk penis.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
