grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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