listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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