I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
