The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
