I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
