I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
