He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
