Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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