i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
