Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
