I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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