If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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