nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
