she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
