like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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