He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Dear god my vagina.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
