You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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