In the future we'll all be gay
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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