He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
this is an emotional support booty call
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
