You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
