It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
