just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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