dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
